Sickness with a side of paranoia please!

Well it has officially been a week since i have put anything on here. I have been sick! Tonsilitis strep throat comatose!  I am getting back into the swing of things now though!

Luckily i was at home visiting family when the evil throat monster attacked me. My Mom took wonderful care of me! I survived it.  It was very odd being there and depending on another person though. I am an adult... single.. and very used to being self sufficient. So it was very odd to be there and to be taken care of. I have conned myself into believing that a significant other isnt the central purpose in our lives. I have wonderful friends who i spend time with, lots to think and write about... all of that.... i don't need someone else. Not opposed to it but don't need it you know? All of that wonderful ideal and then i have to get sick... not ordinary sick but drool, can't get out of bed, passing through consciousness, can't talk kind of sick... and i needed someone. That is the pitfall for all of "I can do it myselfers" there will always come a time when you have to depend on someone else. So does this mean my theory of being all i need is useless? That i don't know. It's just out of my comfort zone.... but maybe i should change that. Maybe i should find a dependent relationship so someone can wipe my snot when i need it..... You tell me all you wonderful relationshipers ~ if you have great friends and are self sufficient.. do you really need someone to come home to?  Why?

Better Me Epiphany ~ Evaluate every concrete ideal you have... you may find some cracks

Tell Me What You See Challenge ~ Results

Alright Y'all I am admittedly very behind on getting this up. I am going to pull the holiday card as my excuse... It was the fourth! I was celebrating freedom....






The "Tell Me What You See Challenge" is a way for all of us to get our creative juices flowing. I post a picture like the one above and then we all write about what we think is going on there. It can be short, long, an observation, a poem, or a piece of fiction. The picture above is our picture for the week. I am excited to have had a good response! So we will get down to the nitty gritty and see the results.

First was my friend Brandi over HERE. She is going through a journey of weight loss on her blog! check her out.

This is what she had to say


“To me it looks like someone is taking time to stop and capture the busy lives of the people below him/her.”









Next Lunar Eclipse from the Soap Opera Experiment stopped by. She has a regular running Soap Opera through Blog!! It’s a fun blog to stop by and soak in a little drama!

Here is what she had to say

“It looks like someone is watching a lot of busy people, and probably hoping that the world will slow down.”









Next is Tansy. You can see her blog HERE. She has lots of pictures and lots to say! Stop by and check her out!

Here is what she had to say

“First of, I love this person's sneakers. I imagine that they're very brightly colored. I envision this person is sitting on a ledge with a bunch of friends just hanging out. The people below are insignificant. This person is just taking it all in. Looking out at all the hustle and bustle. Taking a step back from life. He or she might not be hanging out with friends. They might just be people watching. Creepy.. but entertaining.”






Lastly is me. Here is what I saw. It’s a conversation. I’ll let you decide who they are and what their intentions are.

“I can give you everything in this world if you give me everything in yours.”

“I know what you promised me… and what you say that you have done for me. I just can’t seem to wrap my head around it right now.”

“Come over here. I want to show you something.”

“I really don’t like heights.”

“I just want to show you something. You see all those people down there?”

“Yeah?”

“They all have the same option as you do.”

“How can I have everything in this world and them too?

“You don’t know me very well yet.”

“I don’t know. It’s hard for me to just take you on your word on this. How do I know you are telling the truth?”

“You just have to trust me.”

“So how do I do it?”

“It requires a leap……”


So this is the Second installment of the "Tell Me What You See Challenge"! And I believe it was a success!! Thanks everyone for tuning in and sharing how you see this world around us!!

Upkeep

I bought a house 2 years ago. It's beautiful small, two bedrooms, over a hundred years old and remodeled 6 years ago. I love it! When i bought it, it felt like something new but still had the feeling of history to it as well. I love used things becuase they are usually cheaper and because they hold a little bit of someone else's life in them. I love that thought and feeling.  The thing about owning something for yourself is that it is much less magical in practice than it is in conception. In reality owning something requires upkeep. My house for example -There is grass to be cut, drains to be unclogged, air conditioning to be fixed, floors to be mopped, termite men to hire, and we won't even start about the bills! It comes with the territory and it's worth it. Anything worth having is worth taking care of.

It is the same with our lives. I wrote yesterday about the themes of our lives and doing a daily assessment of what they are and changing them if you don't like them.  I think that is so important but it is only one of the many things that we must do as upkeep in our lives. We own our lives. We are responsible for what they become and how they are lived. So it takes work to keep them in tip top shape. Today i am literally cleaning up shop! Dishes, laundry, vaccuuming all that. It is a part of what i consider upkeep because my life will be a clean one ( even though i love to live in clutter where i know where everything is because everything is everywhere! ~ but it's not good...). But it goes further than that. I have to evaluate my relationships, my body, my job, my time, my spiritual walk, my exposure (to negativity, positivity, hate, lust ~ I'm talking about entertainment).. all of it. Anything unnoticed now will be hell to notice later. So my word of the day is upkeep. It sucks. It's laborious. It is neccessary to living the best way possible.

Better Me Epiphany ~ Take out the trash! I'm gonna spring clean my life on a regular basis! Out with the old and in with the new!

Identify Decide Conquer

The other day i heard some one say "it has become the theme of your life". This made me think for a second and i agree. Our lives have a theme and we decide them. For a while there it felt like my theme was crisis. I was jumping from one issue to the next ~ No money, no power, no friends, broken car, car accident, car break in... the list goes on and on. I remember stopping and saying enough is enough! I can't live like this anymore. I know that life events will always happen nothing will always (or ever!) go right, but our mentality about these events is what matters. I place a lot of importance on my words and my thoughts (notice the name of the blog!). I believe that we have the power to speak our existence out.. we have life and death in our mouths. Many of us have spoken out themes into our lives and we don't even realize it. Everyday and every minute we can change that.

I know people who spend every day wishing it was different. That is a theme. When you are totally dissatified with right now then you can't enjoy it. It's impossible to do so, so the result is negativity. Every moment every event is a disaster (in their minds). That is a ridiculous way to live, but it won't change until minds change. So the challenge today is to identify what your lifes' theme is. Is it joy, sadness, disaster, hatred, love, crisis (like mine was) or some sort of culmination? You can't change anything that you aren't aware of. So now we have all been given notice. It's a daily assessment that I believe can help us all to live our best lives. Themes can sprout up in hours if you run with them. So identify, decide, and conquer!

Better Me Epiphany ~ Life really is what you make it! I will daily assess my life's theme and adjust accordingly. The only thing that can keep me from living my best is me and my perception!

So excited!!!

My new Blogger friend V over HERE named as one of her blogs of the week ( somehow i missed it when it first happened, but I'm excited)!! Thats so awesome to me!! and thanks V! You guys should really check her out as well. She has a daily scripture and goes in depth on it! It's encouraging to see someone so committed to growing spiritually and helping us do the same!! Look her up I know you will get something out of it.

Better Me Epiphany ~ Soak in the good news when it comes!

Tell Me What You See Challenge ~ Reminder

, originally uploaded by Fagu.

Hey Y'all! It's the last day to be a part of the "Tell Me What You See Challenge". I hope to get a few more participants so we can all see the many different views! you can post in the comments section or email me at mark.deer02@gmail.com

To see what the challenge is about you can look HERE and HERE

Happy Tears - Review

I just finished watching "Happy Tears" (i got it from the Redbox... i must remember to return it tommorrow!). I will say that I enjoyed the movie but it's not a movie I can wholeheartedly recommend. The plot of the story is that two sister's (Parker Posey and Demi Moore) return home to deal with their father who has been diagnosed with dementia. The sisters are polar opposites - Posey being eccentric, flighty, and delusional and Moore being a responsible hippie type older sister. We see them deal with past issues - a cheating scumbag type father, the death of their mother, and growing up in this type of household - and we see them deal with their father's new girlfriend, a crack-addict pretending to be a nurse and taking advantage of their father. The whole movie is very quirky - Parker frequently goes off into dream states where she imagines sales clerks turning into buzzards, her husband literally bouncing off padded walls, and Parker floating around on a giant jellyfish. This may sound crazy, but i felt it fell in accurately with her character. Through it all there are lots of heartbreaking scenes and a few touching ones mixed in. There are no real "Happy Tears" in the movie but it didn't leave me feeling depressed either. i really liked the cinematagraphy in the movie for the most part (I don't know why but indie films always seem to have that unique look to them). The movie follows this journey over few weeks and we get to watch!

Now to the why i liked the movie!

One - there was a quote in the end about looking for something in life without knowing what it looked like, and the suprise and pleasure that you get when you find it and see it for the first time. I like this idea because i think that really applies to all of us. We are all searching for something and half the time we don't know what it is. I don't mean spiritually although that does apply depending on where you are in your journey. I know for myself that I am on a journey to find and become the best me and find my best life. I don't know what they look like but i know that they are out there and am excited to see them when i get there!

Two- i am very interested in the social unit called family. I work with families and am always fascinated at how they work. In my line of work we tend to think that we know the one way that is a normal safe functioning family and try to structure those that we work with in that manner. The reality is that there are so many ways that familes work and successfully function. I see that every day. I will talk to a family and it is nothing like what i view is normal, but it is functioning. So I saw yet another example of a very different family than mine, and it wasn't the best but it did work for them. I enjoyed seeing it.

So in synopsis i liked but can't recommend it. You decide.. has anyone else seen it? Tell me what you thought!

Tell Me What You See Challenge

, originally uploaded by Fagu.

Hey Y'all! This is the second Tell Me What You See Challenge!

The Tell Me What You See Challenge is an oppurtunity for all of us to get our creative juices flowing and express ourselves to each other. I posted the picture above from a wonderful photographer in Brazil. You can see more of his pictures HERE.

I would love to see the different perspectives that all of you have on this picture. Who's feet are those?, whats going on down there?, what led up to this? really whatever story or observation you can think of!

How it works is that you can email me what you think to mark.deer02@gmail.com or simply post it in the comments section and a week from today I will post all of the reactions to the picture. Then we can all see what each other thought. I think it's a great reminder that we are all in this world together but experience it so differently. I look forward to seeing what you see!

To get an idea of how the last "Tell Me What You See Challenge" went look HERE


So sit back relax and tell me what you see in this wonderful picture!

Review ~ Little Bee

Tonight I finished Chris Cleave's most recent novel "Little Bee". Starting the book I didn't know what to expect.. I bought it because I liked the cover! It turned out to be a great choice. I won't lie to you and say that this is a book that will make you feel good, but it will make you laugh, cry, and think very hard about this world we live in.

The best part of the story is the suprise so I will just give you a introduction and not the plot. Little Bee is a nigerian refugee seeking asylum in London (Modern day London... it's a great snapshot of how refugees/immigrants are sometimes treated....."how you doin' Arizona?"). We see her process this new world and she comes into contact with someone from her past. There is quite a backstory that is pretty brutal but it really made me think. Thata all you get, this is a story that you simply have to read for yourself!

My favorite quote from the book is "We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived."    ~ That is so powerful to me. It makes me think about what I've survived... scars seen and unseen. I love that perspective because it takes the shame out of your past, you have something to remind you of where you've been... but you survived it. It's not who you are but where you have come from.

This book also made me think about love for others... friends, loves, strangers... what would I do for another person. We all would say in our purest voices that we would give all for others. This book delves into that and we see how some react to this question. Read it and tell me what you think.

Posted on the go!

Posted on the go!

Embrace Hopelessness

Today i was rereading a book called "When things fall apart- heart advice for difficult times". It's a book written by Pema Chodron, a buddhist nun. I am a Christian and will always be a Christian but i was still interested to read what she had to say.

In the book there is an entire chapter about embracing hopelessness. She says that to live a life of hope is to continually be unhappy with who and where you are. It's very hard for me to think of hope as a bad thing. I've always considered hope as one of our greatest gifts. It helps us get through tough times because we have a hope for something better. She continues on in the chapter and says that living with the  thought that we will finally get it all together is unrealistic, which I agree with. We are flawed from the beginning, we don't have the human ability to ever be totally perfect. She talks about how hope and fear are intimately related and says that hope comes from us feeling that we lack something... that we are in some sort of poverty. I think that i agree with the idea of being hopeless on a micro scale but not a macro one. As a Christian i believe that i have eternal security and look forward to heaven. I also see the dispair that comes with continually looking ahead. If we spend every moment planning this and planning that, thinking that when i graduate i will be happy, or when i get that job and so on and so on then we miss out on right now. That is where hopelessness is beneficial when we stop looking to the future to satisfy us then we can enjoy today. We can not think about what is to come and completely soak in every moment that we are living. So i encourage you to be hopless in the moment. Don't think about tommorrow or next week. Enjoy your life right now. Everyone knows the saying tommorrow never comes, well i firmly believe that. Live your best life right now!

Better Me Epiphany ~ be hopeless in the moment. Don't worry about who you are becoming enjoy who and where you are. You can still work to become better, just don't wait til you get there to smile.

Posted on the go!

The Big Black Spot in the Ocean..... and Oprah

"I think the president is doing the best anybody can,” is what Oprah recently said about how President Obama is handling the oil spill. I am a little undecided at this point. I have heard a lot of different points of opinion and belief.

A friend I were talking the other day and they basically said that the president responded as soon as Louisiana declared it a state of emergency, which was days after the initial explosion and the oil spill started. Apparently the Federal government can only intervene in what's happening in an individual state after that state asks for it. That makes sense right?

On the other hand it has been oh so many days and there still is no plan set in place to help these families who are losing their livelihood. The president addressed that the other day in his speech but there is the opinion that there should have already been an immediate plan to assist them.

Then there is a whole other opinion that thinks that the president should have stepped in and dived to the bottom of the ocean and plugged the gushing oil pipe himself. Not literally of course but the opinion is that he should already have taken over and sent government experts to fix the issue.

And lastly there is the almighty Oprah’s opinion.. that he is doing the best that can be expected. There are limits to what anyone even the president can do. My mind has not been made up yet and I would love to hear what you guys think about it. Let me know!

To read the full Oprah Story go Here

Posted on the go!

Posted on the go!

Tell Me What You See Challege ~ Results!

Alrite y'all here we go!!  The Tell Me What You See Challenge is an oppurtunity to show our individual outlooks. I put up a picture (the one above) and challenged all who wanted to write about who this woman was, or their opinion of her, or what she was doing.... whatever really! I did not get an overwhelming response but i did get a few!! and here they go!

First my friend over at Rada Rhythm and Rhyme Check her out! She is hilarious and her blog is a lot of fun! She wrote this!



Boy, her legs are splotchy. Bet she doesn't wear sunscreen." Just being honest!She looks like she is relaxing after a tough day cutting meat in a small NYC deli. Now she is just hanging out until it's time to go play Bunco with some friends. She'll probably have a cocktail there, too. And I bet she has atleast three cats...

Isn't she fun!

Then my new Blogger Friend V wrote this:



For days it rained

and my heart pained,

You are gone

and for you I long.

I still miss your warmth now.

I couldn't answer - what, when and how?!

You took my heart

left before I could add my part!

But the sun came out today

and nothing stood in my way,

I could say my say

because the sun drew your darkness away.

This is what she wrote about her poem ~ I think I wrote it, in "inspiration" of how the sun makes you feel better no matter what you're going through. And for me, it was partly losing someone suddenly, and I think that's what the poem is about. She lost someone when she didn't expect it, and now she can move on, because she has successfully grieved, there isn't darkness anymore.

It’s nice isn’t it?If you enjoy this then I just know you’ll love her blog!! You can look at it Here


This is the little something I wrote last night… I do so well with deadlines!! Here's what I saw!

Ooooo! It's been a long day. I guess you were not expecting me to talk about the present huh? I look like I'm at the age where I only want to talk about the life I lived and not the life I'm living. Well I'm sorry to disappoint, but I have a lot to tell you about just for today. Like how I spent the morning at the boys and girls club with all those precious children! They call me ms. Minnie.... my last name is Miniola. You pronounce that men-ee-oh-la, but I love my nickname there. The children and I spent the morning working in the vegetable garden. We have planted corn, squash, beans, and tomatoes. I taught them about the three sisters. You start with a ring of about 8 corn seeds then outside that you put a ring of beans and outside that a ring of squash. The squash leaves keep the grass out and the beans grow up the corn stalks. It's just like a family to protect each other and use each other at the same time! We didn't plant today just dug out some weeds, spread fertilizer, and watered (which of course turned into a water fight!). Those little preciouses are the best. Well after I left there I walked up to 29th street and stopped in on one of my oldest friends. She can't move around much and relies on me and a few other people to come keep her company. So I went and talked and we ate a nice lunch. We talked about all the goings on that are happening today. She of course was upset about this oil spill business, and I was talking about getting ready to vote. We always get into these mini debates about who's a liar, a thief, and who might actually do a good honest job. It's good to have someone around that you can disagree with; it helps you think differently about whatever the topic at is. My mind wasn't changed of course but I see her point. After I left her house I got on the bus and headed back up town. I love public transportation, it forces a bunch of people with no similarities (other than geographical location) to get together in one place. I get to hear different languages, see different ways of living, and of course the clothes! I won't lie to you and make you think that we all sit around on the bus and talk, but it is still exposure. I love it. The bus stopped at the library. It is a sight for all to see. It is a mammoth with flammable insides (hopefully this one never goes extinct). I went inside and got a few books to read in the evening. After that I went to the cemetery to visit my daughter. I outlived her in years but I'm still trying to get even with her in life. When she died (car accident.... damn drunk driver) I found her diaries. I met her all over again and discovered a life I didn't know she lived. I could go down the laundry list of the many things that she did, but I won't. I can just say that an amazing person came from me and I get a little bit of pride when I think that I had something to do with it. Ever since then I have tried to remember her by living and not abiding. Sometimes I have to stop and sit on a park bench (and look like I've been hit by a truck carrying a summer supply of sweat), but I won't stop. This is the best way to live! I just wish that she was still here to do it with me.


So I think the first challenge was a success!!! Thanks guys for participating!! i enjoyed it and will have a new picture up soon for the next challenge!!

Posted on the go!

What makes you so important to me?

Umbilicus - it means the core or heart

I learned this word today and it made me think about my relationships well specifically friendships. Anyone who knows me knows that i value friendships almost above all else, afterall you choose friends (you don't get that option with family!). Friends are our chosen family. I didn't get the nickname "friend" from nowhwere. So this word makes me think about what ties me to the people around me. What is at the core of my friendships and why do i love all these people i call friend. It's something that i want to spend the next few days thinking about. I believe that in order to really value something you have to understand it on some level. When you find out why these people are in your life you can build on it. I'm hoping that when i do this i don't come up with superfluous reasons for all the bonds around me. I guess the upside to that is that i can work on making these connections deeper. So i'm wondering what do you think is the umbilcus of most of your relationships?  Is it work, food, common interests?  You tell me! I'd love to hear how your friendships are motivated!

Better Me Epiphany ~ Fill your life to the brim with the people you love the most. We were put on this earth together for a reason. Love them and let them love you back!

Posted on the go!

Posted on the go!

Hey Yall!!! it's the last day to be a part of the Tell Me What You See Challenge !!! I hope to hear from you soon!!! I will post all that i get tomorrow!! You can email me at mark.deer02@gmail.com

What a weekend!

So this weekend was quite an experience!

Friday- I met a friend of mine and he showed me his new house! It was beautiful! He always told me he was a millionaire and now i believe him! I should've taken pictures.... but i didn't! Then i went out in greenville and met one of my most favorite people's cousin! We had lots of fun! Well after we left a few of my friends and i were hanging out in the parking lot laughing and all of that. Then a man (homeless maybe?) Came and started talking to us and asked us for money a ride all of that. I have to admit that i was not the nicest to him. There was lots of sarcastic banter exchanged and i know i should have been nicer but i wasn't. Well we got ready to leave and i went to get in the car and the man came and pretended to shake my hand knocked my phone of my hand... punched me in the face and knocked me down.... hence the black eye! It's cute right? Well he ran away after that. That was the start of my weekend.....

Saturday- my best friend from beaufort graduated from grad school! I was so excited! I put a pic up! The base covered my good didn't it? That night me and my other best friend were supposed to go to columbia so he could sing... but transmission trouble on the way. So we came back and i decided it would be a great day to change my brake pads! Mind you i've never done it before but how hard could it be? Right? Well of course i did something wrong... unhooked the brake line? And my brakes wouldnt work! Gave up for the night!

Sunday- my best friend that graduated the day before had her beautiful daughter dedicated at church! It was awesome and a great time for the family to dedicate to be godly influences in her life! So wonderful! I went back home worked on the car and found out a needed another... socket? Ha! No way to get there... so i gave up again! I was very stressed out wanted to give up on everything move to Peru and live on mud and bugs.... but i didn't! I a proud to say that today after work i got the socket and fixed my car! My eye is looking better! And i made it through!

The better me epiphany for the weekend is to NEVER give up even when you have been beaten(literally) bruised, and stranded! Life is hard.. it's supposed to be but we all have it in us to stick it out and keep moving forward!

Posted on the go!

Posted on the go!