Book Review ~ Three Little Words

I just finished Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Coulter. It was the pick for a book club I'm in called “The Sophistareaders". The book is memoir of Ashley's early life in foster care. As a social worker this book was especially interesting and touching. We follow Ashley from her entrance into foster care to her exit. It is a very harrowing story. Her time in foster care was during a period where Florida's foster care system was at its worst and her story helped to change that system. Ashley came from a family with significant issues and put into a system with just as many significant issues. She was put in the charge of many careless social workers and countless placements. She was literally forgotten and persevered through it all.

Here's what I got from the story.

Ashley was shifted from place to place and developed some pretty severe attachment issues. She was moved from place to place and no one stopped and asked her how she felt about all of it. She lost her voice. Many times all of us go through periods where the circumstances in our lives make us feel like we have lost all control of it. We don't always have the ability to control these circumstances. It is a place that is infused with hopelessness, and if nothing changes it is easy for us to stay there. Ashley held onto one hope, to return to her mother, and was constantly disappointed. Her mother never could seem to get things together so that she could be the mother that Ashley needed. Ashley was moved around a lot ~ lived with pedophiles, overcrowded homes, and even abusive homes. She really did become hopeless. She lost hope that she would ever find a place to call home. She knew that however great a place seemed it had an expiration date.

After many years of going through this “return to sender" cycle, she was finally appointed a guardian as litem. They are there to look after the child's best interest. They are the voice of the child in foster care. This one person came along and fought for Ashley. She listened to her, and she made a change in Ashley's life. This one person got her out of her abusive placement and advocated for her until she found a permanent home. This is what stuck with me ~ the power that one individual can have to affect change in the lives around them. We all have that capability and responsibility. We don't have to have the enormous responsibility of being a child's voice in a broken system to affect change. We can do it every second of every day. It is a smile, and shoulder to cry on, and ear to listen. But it takes us stopping, forgetting about our busy day and self importance, and taking the time to care. I think that Ashley's life could have been so much less tumultuous if someone stopped and cared sooner.

When Ashley got this guardian who was her voice she eventually found her own. She let down all of the defense mechanisms that she developed to deal with living in the system and allowed an adoptive family to love her and herself to love them back. She made it through it all. She spoke out about the protective system that damaged her most and she helped change it.

The book is an amazing story about an amazing life. After looking at her life I know that in my hopeless situations I won't give up. The start almost never looks like the finish.

Better Me Epiphany ~ I will care about the lives around me. I will make a change for others by first making changes for myself. My future is not dictated by my current situations.

Book Club Update ~ The Sophistareaders

So our book club found a name! The name I offered up was "The all inclusive not exclusive book club for social workers and no one else" ..... apparently that was a little long winded so we settled in on "The Sophistareaders". We are sophisticated and we read!

   I am a little past halway though our first selection "Three Little Words". It is a memoir of child in foster care and chronicles her journey through. I will post a full review later but for now I'll tell you what I have got so far. The book is an easy read but is definitely worth reading. It does a good job of showing what foster care can be like through the eyes of a child. Parts of it have been pretty harrowing. The majority of the social workers throughout this child's story have been careless and selfish. It really struck a cord with me because that is what I do everyday (social work with families ~ hopefully not be careless and selfish!). I know how easy it is to make my job about me and not about the families that I serve. I think we all do that in different ways.... we are stuck in our bodies and in our worlds and we often lose sight of the others in it. It takes diligence on our parts to listen to our friends, care for our loved ones, and offer a smile to strangers on the street. I think it's natural for our focus to hone in on ourselves, but we have to change that. We have to realize that we are here together for each other, and lay down the selfish ritual of assessing each situation as how it may affect us. Our decisions everyday affect those around us in every way ~ think of traffic! Slow cars, fast cars, bad drivers ~ all are on the road together and what one car does determines how the others that follow will go. It's the same with ua in our daily walks, my daily actions are steering the course of the people arounds me's day. I could just be talking to me! ~ but i hope if it applies you will take it to heart too. So I will keep reading and Y'all get ready for the full review... very soon!

Better Me Epiphany ~ I will factor others into the equation and take all the focus off of myself. I will not squander the responsibility of this shared experience of life.

Book Review ~ Same Kind of Different as Me

Here we go! I recently finished reading Same Kind of Different as Me written by Ron Hall, Denver Moore, and Lyn Vincent. It is a true life story about two very different people, one a homeless man and the other an international art dealer.

First off let me say that this is a Christian book. I normally don't read or haven't read Christian literature. I was very pleasently suprised by this book. The story is told through two voices Ron Hall and Denver Moore. We follow them through their lives and see how they end up intersecting. It was really a touching story and it made me think about a few things.

One of the best parts of the book are the little bits of simple wisdom that Denver, the homeless man, sort of just offers up casually. Denver and Ron were talking about the cars that Ron owns and Denver was amazed at how many he had. He asked Ron, "Are you sure you own them, or does they own you?". This gives a small glimpse into who Denver is. He has a different perspective on life and the things in it. Our society places a lot of importance on things, so it comes as no suprise that someone who doesn't quite fit into society at large would have a totally different view. I think we could all learn something by trying to get into his frame of mind.

Another thing that Dener said was when he was talking about a good friend at a local mission. Her name was Miss Debbie. He said that she never asked questions like why are you homeless? Where you been? How many times have you been in jail? She just loved him, no strings attached. This got to me and made me think if I do that with anyone. Loving with no strings attached is a hard thing to do for some reason. So many times churches want perfect parishioners and if they are not up to par then they are unwanted. it's the same with us, we love our friends until we find out something negative about them. I don't think it should be like that. We want others to love us inspite of our flaws so shouldn't we be willing to offer the same?

Lastly (though not the last bit of the book that we can learn from) was the quote, "I know when somebody you love is gone, that's the last time you feel like thanking God. But sometimes we has to be thankful for the things that hurt us." When I read that all I could think was WOW. This is coming from a homeless man, a former sharecropper, someone who has experienced tragedy after trajedy. But he wasn't angry, he wasn't bitter. He knew that through it all life was teaching. It's so easy to get stuck in the moment and stuck in the pain, but Denver (and we should too) looked outside of it. He probably didn't understand the why of it all but he did see that it was teaching or touching someone. I call these moments of pain and hardship growing pains. We all get them and they ALWAYS hurt, but they aren't the end of it all. We have to look outside of it and learn or see where the ones around us are learning from us.

Needless to say it was a wonderful, thought provoking, and inspiring book. It is a unique look at the mindset of our nations homeless and a wonderful history of how each of has the power to affect each other for the better.

P.S. Disclaimer Booksneeze has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book for the purpose of review.

The Saffron Kitchen ~ Review

I recently finished reading the book "The Saffron Kitchen" by Yasmin Crowther. It was a wonderfully written book about immigration in England, adjusting to a new culture, the lasting impact of decisions, and dealing with the past. Seems like a lot jammed into one book right? It is, but it felt effortlessly executed.

    The story follows two main characters a mother and daughter over around a 6 month period. The mother is from Iran and lives in England and the daughter, a school teacher, grew up in England in a hodgepodge mix of a household. There is an extremely traumatic event that sends the mother into a frenzy and back to Iran to deal with her past. The daughter follows her there and through it all they come to understand each other.

     I found the story to be heartwarming and frustrating all at the same time. A giant piece of the story is about the mother's secret past. She has kept it hidden from her family and it has tortured her for  years. We learn this story very slowly a piece at a time (which i love! I think it's essential to great story telling). But the thing is that in the end the mother's past rules her. She doesn't get over it or neccesarily learn from it... she rejoins it. A big thing for me is to not dwell in or on the past. It happened.. it's done. The main character couldn't do that in this story. She was stuck 30 years prior, regretting what happened and how she was treated. She went back to Iran, back to her old village, and back to a forgotten life. That is what i didn't like about this story.

  What I did like about this story and book was it's focus on family. We all have our own individualized view about what family is and how it should work, but this story was another great example of how there is no great model for family. They all work differently. The book shows us what life is like in a very rural Iran. There is a community set up that cares for the children communally. I liked that. Then we also get to see what a blended household with different cultures can be like. It was an eye opener but still gave me that warm home feeling.

   Our decisions have a shelf life. Another major theme throughout the book was dealing with past mistakes. The mother in this story made a mistake and 30 years later was still viewed in the same way. I thought that this was so powerful because many of us are held to these same standards. Sometimes we are punished for something we did and we literally are not that person anymore. It makes you think about everyday decisions and consequences more and it also made me think about if I'm doing the same to people in my life. We should applaud when people make steps forward and not remind them of who they were. That made me think of my brother and now i am working on trying to see him for the person he is now and not who he was when we were growing up. Even when we forget about the past and move forward we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions, but no one should be held in the cage of past mistakes

Overall i think it's a great read. The prose is beautiful and descriptive. It really is a trip to a foreign land without the ticket! I recomend it and hope you read it. It was interesting to see how women function in that society. I don't know how accurate it was but it was very convincing. The book also helped me understand a little better what it is like to assimilate and what a epic struggle that can be. It made me think about our own immigrants here and if they feel just as out of water as the main character in the book did. Well thats what I got from it you tell me what you did.

Review ~ Little Bee

Tonight I finished Chris Cleave's most recent novel "Little Bee". Starting the book I didn't know what to expect.. I bought it because I liked the cover! It turned out to be a great choice. I won't lie to you and say that this is a book that will make you feel good, but it will make you laugh, cry, and think very hard about this world we live in.

The best part of the story is the suprise so I will just give you a introduction and not the plot. Little Bee is a nigerian refugee seeking asylum in London (Modern day London... it's a great snapshot of how refugees/immigrants are sometimes treated....."how you doin' Arizona?"). We see her process this new world and she comes into contact with someone from her past. There is quite a backstory that is pretty brutal but it really made me think. Thata all you get, this is a story that you simply have to read for yourself!

My favorite quote from the book is "We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived."    ~ That is so powerful to me. It makes me think about what I've survived... scars seen and unseen. I love that perspective because it takes the shame out of your past, you have something to remind you of where you've been... but you survived it. It's not who you are but where you have come from.

This book also made me think about love for others... friends, loves, strangers... what would I do for another person. We all would say in our purest voices that we would give all for others. This book delves into that and we see how some react to this question. Read it and tell me what you think.

Posted on the go!

Posted on the go!